The Experience
I felt myself awaken in another place; all of the aspects of this world were left behind. I was the same person as I am, the same being, but every essence of this place I call home was left far, far, behind. I found myself on a boat, more of a canoe, Chinese in design. I was the only one on the small canoe, although it wasn’t carrying my body, but more of my energy. I felt ever so light, weightless, and my mind was clear of the fog of every day life. Almost as if a cap was removed from my head I felt so light and clear, ever-expansive, and ready to absorb. The canoe was on a sort of wavy river, farther down stream I could make out the beginning of something, ever so steadily it came into view. I felt as though the water beneath me was shallow, but that something else was below it, and I felt deep underground. I am not sure if the feeling was of being underground or if it was simply the dense vastness of energy that surrounded this place, almost as if it was created by consciousness itself, or somehow within a living thing. The upcoming scenery approached and I stood up, I felt as though I was guiding the canoe with one of those long sticks that are used in shallow water. I slowed as the river turned at a right angle and formed a much straighter path. The land to the left of the river was accompanied by these child-like, but very intelligent looking beings. They were somewhat small, about the size of a large tortoise, and had similar shells but were sitting in a crouched position. They African-style circular masks on their faces and had brown hairy bodies. They moved in rhythm with the drum music that was playing, which wasn’t mine. Their arms danced with leaves and different kinds of objects as if they were putting on a show or trying to entertain me, each of them holding my attention in unison. Then I noticed the canoe had extended and for some reason a few of my coworkers were there and looking at me with smiles, I believe they were wide smiles. This gave me the feeling that they were not real and that they were congratulating me in some way on not falling for the game, showing me for a split second that this culture was all some sort of test. I didn’t like the idea of sitting in the canoe with my coworkers so feeling that it was shallow water I got up and walked on the water over to the land that was accompanied by the dancing creatures. The canoe sank off into the river downstream. I looked around the creatures and began to notice that I was inside a sort of circus tent, and they were right up against the red and white striped curtain, as if to suggest this was all a show, but in an intelligent, joking kind of way, with a bigger point behind it. I approached the leftmost creature and I was slightly taller than it was in this form. As I got closer I realized that their masks were all frowning, they were in the saddest position they could be in, as if you were looking at a tortured clown, but there was no emotional sadness tied to it or to be portrayed from it. I told the creatures that I didn’t want to be in my existence, and that I wished to leave it, and wanted very much to. I explained that I was in a depressed state and I longed for something different. They showed me not to tell, but to ask what I could do to change it, so I did. They showed me an object, or possibly a feeling or idea, that said “Don’t do anything you don’t want to do” and “You’re choosing to continue in your own misery”. I could feel the experience starting to come to an end, as what I am describing here is only what I could bring back, and what I could remember, I was at this place for a while and there was more that happened. If you’ve experienced this before, you know how that is. I felt like I had one or two more questions and at this point I was aware of an underlying structure, relating back to what I said earlier about this being inside of something or created by consciousness. I asked the creature to “show me what you are, for yourself”. The color of the scenery started to fade away and everything went black and white, I believe the creature hinted at the circus curtain behind them and I glided over to it and lifted it up, as I went through it the entire dimension changed. I looked back at the creature for what I knew would be the last time and it turned old, it said “Next time, go along with it”. As it started to fade away, I said “I would”. I fell, or was shot through, this vortex of slingshots around planets and inside black holes, inside the black holes were wormholes which transferred me to different places, I felt as though I was on the way back to Earth. I remember stopping on the way out in front of these massive beings, these massive energies, purple and orange in color. They looked down at me with sympathy and curiosity. As if in a sense to say “there, there child” As these massive beings started to show me the meanings to things, my memory begins to fade, and as anyone who has these experiences knows, this is the part that is a struggle to bring back, and one must work so hard to do. The next part I recall is of slinging passed them, turning back, and waving, tears flowing from my eyes, and exclaiming how sorry I was. I continued to slingshot back to my world and on the way, exacerbated from the previous bit, I exclaimed my want to not return, my want to stay, and how desperate I was to do so. I then was caught on something, and I remember the feeling of being disconnected from the path back to my body. As if I was taking a detour, or possibly not going there at all. I started to have a little bit of hope to my request and I felt the feeling I know well and have experienced many times, the feeling of death. The flashing of your memories, the things that you didn’t do as you wanted, and all you wished you would have done. The connections of your family, of your species, of the things you love, being severed. The feeling of being alone. This feeling for me is normally accompanied by the love and energy of the universe, or the beings I may be visiting. This was different. I was turned back on the path to my body, as if the universe was letting me rehearse my death once again, as if it knew I wanted that, even when I myself didn’t know I did. It was a sort of playful nudge and I found humor in it. As I knew I was arriving close to my body I noticed my soul and energy were rather scattered, as if the death defragged them in a sense. This wonderful, amazing African woman energy, full of love and kindness, began to mend me back together in preparation for shoving me back into my body, and sewing it back together. I asked her as she was working on me, and feeling her warmth and comfort, “did I chose to come here?”. She directed to me with a tone that can only make one smile “I don’t know, I just work here”. I laughed, and we laughed together, as I woke up I my body, returned.
Teachings
Elf in Yourself 
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